DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the song or any lyrics featured in the story. All rights go to the owners.
Inspired by ‘Lost Boy’ by Ruth B
I was in the bathroom, blade in my hand, seconds away from doing it. One slash and that’s it. One slash and I’ll be free.
I hesitated, maybe I shouldn’t do it. Maybe I shouldn’t give up so easily. Maybe it will get better.
I tried to think of reasons to stay. And I could only remember one. Mavery Kingston. No, she’s not a girlfriend. She’s just a friend, a really good one. In fact, she’s the only person in the world who knows the real me.
I decide to call her. I need to say sorry. She needs to know that it’s not her fault that I relapsed.
So I put the blade down and picked up my phone. I just sat there, staring at her number for a few seconds before I dialed. It was agonizing, waiting for Mavery to pick up. I almost hung up before I heard a click, signalling that she answered.
“Jack?” Her groggy voice asked. She must have been sleeping. Of course, she’s sleeping you idiot, it’s 2 am.
“Jack, is that you?” She asked again.
“Huh? Oh yeah. Hey.”
“What’s up? What are you doing up so late?”
“It’s nothing. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called. Go back to sleep.”
“It’s obviously not nothing. Now, tell me what’s wrong.” Even though she seemed more awake now, I could still hear the tiredness in her voice.
“It’s nothing, I swear. I’m sorry for waking you.”
“Jack, cut the bullshit. Tell me now.” She swore. Mavery never swears, unless she was really tired or really pissed.
“It’s stupid. But I just wanted to say thank you. For everything you’ve done. Because of you, I believed that I had someone who cared about me. I’m sorry Mavey. It’s not your fault. I’m just not strong enough.”
I picked up the blade from the counter when I heard Mavery through the phone.
“Jack, no. Please Jack, you are strong enough. You’ve always been brave. I promise you it will get better. Please, just hold on for a few more days. I can show you! Jack please.” She was hysterical and I could hear her running around.
“It’s okay Mavey. I just wanted to hear your voice. One last time. Don’t cry for me, I’m not worth you tears. I have to go now.”
“No Jack, don’t say that. If you go, who’s going to be my Peter Pan? Ms. Tyler will kill you if you miss the play. Jack please, just stay there. Don’t move, don’t do anything. I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” I heard her car door slamming shut and the engine starting.
“She won’t have to kill me.” I chuckled. “I can finally be free Mavey.”
I smiled and slid the blade across my wrist. I felt a sharp pain and I saw the blood spill out. As I slid it across my other wrist, I could hear Mavery screaming from my phone. If I listened to her, I wouldn’t be able to go through with this, so I hung up.
I started feeling woozy as I sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall. My t-shirt was stained with blood and I could feel myself weaken.
I smiled when I saw Mavery’s picture flashing on my phone. Huh, she was calling me. She never could follow orders very well.
I remember the first day I saw her. It was at my theater class and I was having an especially bad day. I remember it was raining, because I had to run from school to the studio. It was hard as I also had to dodge my teammates and my dad, the coach.
I loved theater. But I’ve always had to hide it from my father because he doesn’t think it’s “manly” and would taunt me or most likely throw a beer bottle at my head. Anyways, back to that day.
As I entered the studio we rehearsed in, I heard someone running in behind me.
“Move!” A girl screamed from behind a big cardboard moon. I jumped aside in surprise and in the process, left the door, which hit her and resulted in her slipping and falling, taking the moon and the small table next to the door down with her.
She let out an “Oof!” as she fell. I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing.
She huffed and groaned as she tried to push the cardboard off her. That just made me laugh harder when she turned to me with a glare. “Hey bozo. You think you can maybe control your laughter long enough to help me up?”
I sobered up and heaved the moon up, allowing the girl to get up. “Thank you. I haven’t laughed like that in years.”
“Well I’m glad I could entertain you. Now can I have my moon back?” I handed the cardboard moon to her and as I did, my jacket sleeve rode up to show a few of my scars. I quickly pulled it down before she noticed.
I held the door open for her as I walked into the rehearsal studio. “So, what’s your name?” I ask.
“Kingston. Mavery Kingston.” She says in a deep voice, aping a British accent. I smiled when I realised what she was referring to.
“I’m Jackson Riley.”
“You do? How?”
“We go to the same school.”
“Oh…” I nodded, trailing off.
“Mavery! Where’s my moon?” Ms. Tyler called from backstage.
“Coming Ms. Tyler!” She called back before turning to me. “I gotta go. I’ll see you later.” She smiled and ran backstage. I smiled back as I watched her go.
I sighed as the memory came to me. Mavery was there for me at a time when no one else was.
The room started spinning and that’s when I figured I didn’t have much time left. I started feeling very sleepy.
Sleep sounds good. Maybe I should sleep, it’ll be nice to actually fall asleep. I haven’t slept for days.
I was just about to really given into the darkness when Mavery burst in.
“Jack you idiot! Why did you do this?!”
“Mavery.. You’re here. I knew you…” I trailed off, not having enough energy to complete the sentence.
“Jack no! Jack. Wake up! You have to stay awake.”
” I want to sleep Mavey. It’s been so long.”
No Jack, please. You can sleep later. I promise I’ll let you sleep later.”
All through our conversation I felt myself being lifted onto a stretcher by paramedics and being carried out. When the were almost put the front door, I suddenly shouted (well, as much as I could in my condition).
“Wait! Mavey, you have to go to my room and.. And take…” I felt myself falling asleep.
“Take what Jack? Come on, stay awake.” She patted my cheeks to wake me.
“Take the letter in my bag. It’s my goodbye Mavey. It’s my…” I couldn’t stay awake anymore, I didn’t have the strength. I have into the darkness and I embraced me. Like a mother getting her child after they’ve been apart for a long time.
I could hear Mavery and the paramedics in the background but I didn’t care. I was finally free.
Jack’s suicide note
“I can’t do this anymore. They’re saying such awful things. The voices in my head. They’ve destroyed my happiness. And I’m tired. I’m tired of pain being the only thing I feel. I’m tired of smiling and not being able to mean it. I don’t want it to hurt inside when I smile.
I just want to go away.”
Jack’s letter to Mavey
Thank you so much. Thank you for being the friend I never had. Thank you for helping me experience happiness again. I’d almost forgotten how to smile.
You should know it’s not your fault. I know you will probably beat yourself up over this. But you could never have done anything to save me. I was always too far gone.
Say goodbye to Ms. Tyler and the rest of the cast and crew for me. And don’t you dare cry. Don’t waste your tears for me Wendy Darlin’.
I guess I turned out to be a lost boy instead of your Peter Pan.
Peter Pan Lost Boy)
“Neverland is home to lost boys like me and lost boys like me are free.”